What is trauma bonding and how do we recover from it

Trauma bonding happens when the abused individual builds a connection or a relationship with a person who abuses them.

Stockholm syndrome is one type of trauma bonding.

Stockholm syndrome is a kind of trauma bond that refers to someone who is confined to emerging positive feelings for their captors. This dynamic can happen in other circumstances and relations.

These toxic bonding can develop over days, weeks, or months.

Trauma bonding can happen when there are feelings of attachment, dependence, and cycle of abuse.

Feelings of attachment and dependence can contribute to a trauma bond, as can a pattern of abuse and remorse.

Trauma bonding can happen in these situations:

· Domestic abuse

· Child abuse

· Incest

· Elder abuse

· Exploitative employment, such as one involving people who have immigrated without documentation

· Kidnapping or hostage-taking

· Human trafficking

· Religious extremism or cults

There are signs of traumatic bonding:

· You feel dependent on the intermittent reinforcement since your partner or family member does treat you well occasionally and he or she might also give you gifts and take you out.

· You can feel a power imbalance. It means that you feel as if they are controlling you and you no longer know how to stop it or break free.

· You are no longer happy and starting to hate your partner, but you still unable to end things

· When they keep on promising you that they will change, but never do, so you keep on staying on the negative cycle.

· You keep on trusting them despite their abuse

· You keep on defending their behavior even when others express their concern.

Meanwhile, there are a few ways to break the bond in an abusive situation:

· Plan for your safety

If you are in an abusive situation, you should start planning on leaving by having a safety strategy. You can do this by finding a safe place to support and asking for help from the authorities. Look for the contact numbers that can defend you from your abuser.

· Avoid self-blame

Always remind yourself that it is never your fault that you experienced abuse no matter; what you may or may not have done, how deeply scared you are of living a life without them, and how many times you tried to go back.

Know that you deserve a better life no matter how dark your past is.

· Practice self-talk and care

One of the negative impacts of the abuser is to lower your self-esteem.

To slowly recover from the abuse, you must learn how to speak kindly to yourself and practice self-care.

You have independence, and the more you tell yourself of that through loving acts, the easier it will be to feel and trust.

· Cut off contact completely

Stop all communication you have with your abuser. By creating physical distance you learn how to build your safe place.

You may seek safe refuge with a relative or partner. You may consider changing your contact number.

· Seek professional help

By getting professional help and support, breaking bonds with the abuser will get easier and lighter.

It is recommended for you to get help from a trauma-informed therapist since they specialize in recognizing and treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Here are some of the benefits of therapy:

· It can help you explore factors fueling the bond

· You will learn to work on setting boundaries

· You will develop a self-care plan

· Confront self-criticism and self-blame

Always be reminded that abuse is never your fault. Being ashamed or feeling guilty about the abuse is a natural response to trauma.

It may take a long time to recover from the trauma and regain a sense of self-worth but know that it is okay. Ask for help from a trusted friend and support from a trained professional.