8 steps to resolve family drama or conflict

Family issues or conflicts are normal and part of life. These occur when family members misunderstand each other and jump to wrong conclusions.

Occasional quarrels are normal, however, ongoing and unresolved issues can lead to resentment and damaged relationships.

It is common knowledge that positive communication can help resolve issues in any kind of relationship.

To better understand this topic, here are some of the causes of family drama or conflict:

· Birth of a baby
· Transition to living as a new couple
· Moving to a new house
· Long-distance set-up of couple
· Money or changes in financial set-up
· Separation or divorce
· Third-party of a parent
· A child going to school
· Toxic characteristics of a family member
· Unaddressed trauma
· Lack of family bonding or time together
· Unmet expectations
· Too much pride in a family member

To resolve the issues mentioned above, here are some of the tips to consider:

1. Know your triggers

To resolve any family drama or issues, you must first identify what triggers you. Triggers are situations that release negative emotions that can speed up your heart rate and tense up your body. Your triggers could be your unresolved trauma, jealousy, blaming, shaming, and others.

2. Listen actively and carefully

Listen to understand rather than to respond. Conflicts happen when you stop listening. To avoid additional conflict, try to respond by understanding their viewpoint.

3. Be realistic with your expectations

There is a saying that says, "You can't pick your family." And while that is true, we also have to realize that we are all unique individuals with different traits and different ways of coping up. Try your best to accept their unique personalities and don't expect them to be to have the same point of view as yours.

4. Get ready before a family event

If you have an upcoming family gathering and you are still carrying a heavy baggage of stress on your shoulders, it is better to schedule a time to unload this beforehand. When you do this, you avoid the possibility of lashing out on the said occasion. You can do this by meditating, exercising, doing something creative, taking a long bath, or watching a funny movie or series.

5. Set and maintain healthy boundaries

When dealing with toxic family members, it is recommended that you set healthy boundaries. To establish clear boundaries, consider the following:

· Decide on your core values
· Determine what you need from the relationship
· Determine the other person's needs
· Determine the consequences.
· Be consistent
· Be prepared to let go

Establishing personal boundaries can also help you to maintain your mental health.

6. Choose your battles wisely

Remember that not every argument is worth having. And sometimes, it is futile to force your point of view with someone, so ignore the comments and try to divert the subject as much as possible. It is better to reserve your energy for the more important things than to deal with issues that will not be resolved since your family member does not want to listen.

7. Consider family therapy

If things get our of hand, consider family therapy. According to goodtherapy.org, family therapy is designed to help families collaborate to address family problems. The course of treatment is often brief, and most family therapy models seek to address the communication (verbal and nonverbal) styles of the family, as well as any individual issues that may be interfering with the cohesiveness of the family system.

8. Take a break when you need it

Family drama can be so draining. Maintaining boundaries and space is recommended when you need it. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from all the family drama that you are dealing with. In every argument, always try to respond calmly and with respect because overreacting can escalate the situation.

And one more thing, practice forgiveness and healing. While it is not easy to forgive, holding onto grudges can bring additional emotional baggage and more drama.