8 ways to stop being a people-pleaser

Are you the type of person who always puts others' needs before yours?

It could be a sign of being a people-pleaser.

"People-pleasing is associated with a personality trait known as "sociology," or feeling overly concerned with pleasing others and earning their approval as a way to maintain relationships," according to Verywell Mind.

A person considered to be a people-pleaser is always ready to help someone and neglects his or her own needs because they have a fear of disappointing others when they reject a favor.

If you are in doubt if you are one, check if you have a few of these signs:

A people-pleaser may:
• Find it hard to decline a request
• Always accept extra work despite of having no time for it
• Overcommit to plans, responsibilities or projects
• Disregards their own needs, by saying it's okay even if they are not
• Avoid disagreeing with other people
• Afraid of voicing their honest opinion
• Go with the flow even if they are not happy about it just to prevent issues
• They tend to become a super giver
• Find it hard to be authentic

It is also important to know that there may be a reason why someone has become a people-pleaser:

• Past trauma

A therapist in Bend, Oregon, Erika Myers said that people-pleasing behaviors may happen due to past trauma.

If you are someone who experienced trauma, from a partner or a parent, Myers said that you may think that it is better and safer to just follow what other people want than what you need.

• Self-esteem issues

What you have experienced from your early relationships or childhood can be really difficult to erase. So if you are taught that values come from what you do for others, you will probably believe that people-pleasing is the right thing to do.

• Fear of rejection

It is always about what you have learned from your childhood and early relationship.

You may learn people-pleasing if your parent only offered love based on your good behavior or achievements. You may learn that to earn their love, you must avoid making mistakes and dissapointing them.

To finally end your people-pleasing tendencies, here are some of the steps you may follow:

• Learn to establish boundaries

If you are someone who always wishes for validation from others, establishing personal boundaries can be hard for you at first.

However, if you want to end your people-pleasing era, establishing boundaries is the first thing you must learn. It is very important to be clear and specific on what are the things or favors you are willing to take on and not.

It is okay to be upfront about the favors that you are not willing to do.

• Prioritize yourself first

Always practice self-love and self-care. If don't prioritize yourself, you will have no energy to take care of your family.

Take note that putting your own needs first is never selfish, it's healthy.

• Start with small things

At first, change can be really hard to do especially if you have been a people pleaser for a long period.

To prioritize yourself, you may start saying no to smaller favors or requests. Also, try to express your opinion about small topics.

• Wait until you're asked for help

It is okay to be helpful, but if you are someone who is trying to prioritize yourself, it is suggested that you just wait until someone explicitly asks for help.

• Set Goals and priorities

To be able to fully love yourself, you must know and identify your priorities.

You have goals that need to be accomplished so any circumstances that drain your energy or take too much of your time should be eliminated. Don't let anyone drain you.

• Stall for time

When someone asks for a favor, please know that you are not obligated to respond quickly.

You may take your time to decide before responding to a request so that you can evaluate first if you can commit to it. Before making a decision, you may assess the following; check how much time does a favor will take? Is this something you want to do? And Do I have time for it?

• Avoid making excuses

Don't feel obligated to always accept any favors or requests. It is vital to be direct when you say "no" to a request.

You don't need to make excuses, because you are just giving them a way to poke holes in your excuse. Avoid using unnecessary details about your reasoning

• Remember that relationships should be give and take

Any healthy relationship requires a certain degree of reciprocity. If someone is always giving and the other one is just taking, it often means that it is a one-way relationship.

Even if you love to be helpful to others, it is very important to always remember that you also deserve to receive things in return.

You can be kind and nice to everyone without draining yourself from accepting any favors requested from you.

Also, remember that you cannot please everyone. If you are having hard time controlling your people-pleaser attitude, you may ask a help from a trained therapist.